Terrifying thoughts
by ReeReeWithAngst
Summary: Percy realizes that he's maybe not really a hero... Maybe he's a monster. So he goes to visit someone who knows how it feels to be a monster.
1. Percy is evil

**Regarding the Percy is darker than we think as well as Octavian and Percy would probably be bros. I'm so excited... Next chapter coming. I'm on summer break!**

As fun as it was to eat Sally Jackson's blue cookies and enjoy life forever.

Percy's brain didn't allow that.

If it wasn't some monster or 1 or 2 thousand gods bugging him, his own brain played his own worst enemy.

Like when it said stuff at 2 A.M. such as, "Mrs. Annabeth Jackson" and he couldn't sleep for the rest of the night.

Or when it reminded him that the SAT was something that was real and he wasn't good at it.

Or when it slyly pointed out, "Hey, Percy, You're actually kind of terrifying to your friends. You could be evil."

That one took the cake.

Well actually it tied with the SAT thing, but it was currently the one most plaguing him.

"Look dude! There's a plate of blue cookies right there. You could eat it or you could obsess over scaring Annabeth that one time." He told himself. Obviously his brain chose the obsessive least fun option.

It wasn't just that one time with Annabeth, his brain reminded him. He scared people constantly. He'd taken down gods, lashed out at titans, mercilessly aggravated giants. He wanted to be a laid back, positive, happy friend. He wanted to erase the past from is mind and just...

If Alternate Universes actually existed there was somewhere a Percy Jackson who could laugh and crack jokes and smile at people and actually mean it. And actually have that peace of mind.

This Universe didn't have that Percy.

Maybe he could just blame Leo.

Stupid Leo.

Monopoly cheater.

"I'll be the banker." He'd said.

Percy wasn't Naive.

He'd just been tired. He hadn't noticed Leo funding his own little projects with a little extra money from the bank.

"It's a promotion! I was self-promoted."

"EIGHTEEN TIMES?!" Percy had roared without meaning to. He'd just been tired. That was all. But Leo looked kind of scared.

"Sorry dude, I'll forfeit you win." Leo'd grabbed a cookie and left right after.

"You won. Why do you feel like a loser?" His brain teased. His hand went for the emergency phone. The one that was for emergencies. Like calling his mom, texting Annabeth, and crushing his mortal friends at flappy bird.

He sighed and scrolled through his contacts. RED.

"Hey Rach what's Octavian's address?" Sending... Sent... Delivered.

"Percy No." All of fifteen seconds later.

"What?" He texted back defensively.

"I will not let you prank my boyfriend."

"I'm not going to prank your boyfriend. This sounds ridiculous but I need his advice. Don't tell anyone."

"Are you 4 real?"

"Yes!"

"Okay." She texted the address of a small apartment a few blocks away. Percy figured he could probably jog there. He glanced at the cookies in front of him.

"Mom, can I go out?" He called.

"Where?"

"To visit a..." He hesitated.

"Sort of friend."

"Do I know this sort of friend?"

"No."

"You mean no not yet. You'll invite them over so I can meet them?"

"Yeah."

"Demigod?"

"Uh, Roman Legacy actually."

"At camp?" She was only frowning a little.

"No mom I'm going to his apartment."

"Be careful, take Riptide."

"Always with me. I'll be okay."

"You always say that. You rarely are."

"Mom, I promise."

"Promises..."

"Mom, the gods couldn't keep me from coming back to you. You mean too much to me. Can I take him some cookies?"

"Yes Percy." She gave him a hug and he grabbed the platter, jogging the few blocks. Knocking on the door, hoping this wasn't a waste of time. Hoping Octavian was even home. He'd never _hoped_ to see Octavian. Of course, he'd never thought of himself as a real monster.

So first time for everything.

The apartment was even more rundown than theirs. He had heard Octavian was living off of an assistant's salary, so of course it wasn't the nicest place. He knocked, holding the cookies. The door opened, revealing a tired looking Octavian.

"Uh... Hey! I know this is weird and sorry to interrupt your afternoon- I brought cookies."

"You want to come in and watch Wreck it Ralph with me?" The older blond asked.

"Sure."

"Why're they blue?"

"Long story. I'll tell you after the movie."

"Fantastic."


	2. Octavian is evil?

**Regarding the Percy is darker than we think as well as Octavian and Percy would probably be bros. I'm so excited... Next chapter coming. I'm on summer break!** **Note! Light Wreck it ralph spoilerage below.**

Chapter 2

Percy didn't know how many times he'd seen Wreck-it Ralph. Once or twice? Octavian had clearly seen it a thousand times, or more.

"Rachel got it for me for Christmas." He'd said, before clicking the play button. The Augur sat on one end of his probably rescued from curbside green loveseat, Percy on the other. Since Octavian was skinny there was enough room for the plate between them and both took cookies as the movie progressed. For the most part Octavian was quiet, except for a few laughs now and then and a couple well memorized quotes.

"Doomsday and Armageddon just had a baby and it is _ugly_." He'd muttered along with Jane Lynch's character, then falling silent. Percy glanced over only once, when Ralph was destroying the go-kart, and noticed Octavian hiding his face, his eyes noticeably red after that.

But one thing struck Percy Jackson the most about watching the Disney movie with Octavian Alexander. When Ralph took the plunge into Diet Cola Mountain Octavian recited, ever so quietly with the protagonist:

"I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be, than me." Percy guessed the movie struck Octavian, the "bad guy", on a deeper level. And that affirmation, along with Rachel, might be what kept him going. Percy didn't say anything until the movie was completely over, then turned to Octavian.

"I have a problem."

"Yes? I was going to put on Paperman, it's just five minutes but it can wait."

"I have these powers and instincts and... I think that I'm scaring my friends."

"Well, you know at least that you can call them friends." Octavian murmured.

"Yes but... I just want to live my life without people having to be cautious around me. I don't want to be scary."

"At this point I don't think you can change anything. If you think you've actually scared people then you're already scary. You probably just have to control how you act around people who you really care about."

"I was hoping you could show me how. Since you kind of know what it feels like to be a..." Percy choked on the word, embarrassed.

"Monster? You think you are one? Percy Jackson, the hero?"

"Percy Jackson the Monster."

"You fight monsters. You kill them."

"Isn't that kind of a little frightening? How many and how much I've killed?"

"I suppose."

"How do you deal with it?"

"Well people are more creeped out by me then scared. But like I said. You have to really work on controlling the parts of you that are less then pretty so that the people who really care about you don't get hurt."

"How?" He begged. He was getting really worried.

"It's different for me and you!" Octavian said, exasperated.

"In what way?" Octavian sighed.

"Well I know very little about your case but for me it was a complete transformation, from Octavian 1.0 to Octavian 2.0 and for me I changed just for Rachel and very little for anyone else whereas you want to change for more than one person. Also you don't have to change your personality completely, you just want to smother certain aspects. And I have to warn you that I don't have a magical wand to help you be less of a monster- not that I even think you are. I'm still fighting 1.0 like every day. You just have to really care about why you're changing, who you're changing for."

"I do."

"I know."

"Look. I don't know how to fix you. Not right now at least. If you still want my help then we can talk another time about this."

"I do... I'm starting to see you in a new light."

"Great, whatever. Write down a list of specific areas you want to change in and text me next time you want to talk. Oh, and thank your mom for those cookies."

"Will do. She'd love to meet you." Octavian jotted down his number and handed it over. When Percy Jackson had finally left he felt relieved, melting against the wall.

If the "great" Percy Jackson felt like a monster sometimes, how much more of one was he?

No!

"There's no one I'd rather be than me." He insisted.

The first step to battling 1.0 was believing that.

* * *

 **I like this chapter...**


	3. Sally is not evil

Chapter 3

When Sally Jackson says, invite a guy over that guy gets invited. He gets invited so hard that he will never be invited anywhere else with such flair and determination.

And Octavian didn't get the cheap treatment. There was no difference to her between Percy's kinda sorta friends and people he claimed as family.

By the time they left La casa De Jackson _everyone_ was family. Sally Jackson just had that effect on people. Had she ever chosen to adress Olympus she would've had numerous godly cousins within seconds, half of them on speed dial, with many plans for brunches and at least 18 invites to Girls' day. Sally Jackson was her own superpower. Percy had been saying that for years.

Octavian realized it half a minute into the dinner he'd been dragged to. He'd seen gods and misguidedly allied with earth itself, yet Sally Jackson was the most powerful being he had ever encountered.

"Hello Octavian, I'm Percy's mom, Sally. " She'd greeted pleasantly. His shock continued through the night. Even his beloved Rachel had despised him at first. Sally Jackson was the first person to ever immediately accept him. As the pleasantries continued he attempted to understand how that was possible. He thought about his eyes, the creepy defining feature people always noticed first. Yet she had looked him in the eyes and accepted him.

After a dinner and dessert that left nothing to be desired, as well as the explanation of blue food- which made Octavian want to augur Gabe Ugliano into a pile of stuffing- Percy pulled him into his little bedroom.

"I wrote down some things-" He started hesitantly.

"Percy I've solved our problems. All we have to do is be your mom. " Percy laughed.

"I've been trying for years. She's pretty amazing isn't she? "

"Yeah, wow. I wish my mom was like that. I thought your dad was the one you got your powers from but I was wrong. "

"Unfortunately no one is like her. Sorry dude. "

"I've given up on my mom anyway..." For a second both were silent.

"How do you mess up when you've got a mom like that? " Octavian asked.

"Well, parents don't define you. I try to be like her but sometimes I can't. Between powers and impulsiveness I'm just a mess. "

"Powers shouldn't define a person either. Your mom is spectacular. She could probably kill the president and be applauded for it. By the president. That's power. Yet she controls it. Your problem I think is letting your powers control you. You give in to things because you know you can. You overreact because you know you're able to. " Octavian flinched instinctively. People rarely listened to him. But Percy was listening.

"So Octavian, what's your problem? " Octavian froze for a second.

"I guess I let other people define me." He said morosely.

"You know. The fates mess around with people's lives. Weave one life into another- to make the whole thing stronger. " Percy spoke slowly to comfort his new friend.

"I'm beginning to suspect that our lives were weaved together. It sounds crazy and way too cheesy but I think we were meant to help each other. " Octavian looked up.

"You're like her, Percy Jackson. " He said, studying a guy guy he would've never thought of as friend. Percy blinked.

"What? "

"Your mom. She's pretty great. I didn't think I'd ever say it, but so are you. " Percy gaped.

"See? You're already helping me. That's exactly what I needed to hear. Now you gonna let me help you? "

"I don't know. "

"No one becomes hero by themselves. "

"No," He agreed,

"You need least one person to think you're a hero. " In his mind he saw the little cookie medal. You're my hero, that Vanellope had given to Ralph.

"You have that. " Percy assured.

"Yeah she's pretty spectacular. " He thought fondly of Rachel.

"Oh yeah. Her too."

That night the moon was half full and Octavian couldn't sleep. Percy thought that he was a hero and a truly good entity existed. All was almost right with the world. Maybe there was actually someone worth aspiring to be with. And now maybe there was someone who would help him fight Octavian 1.0.

And if anyone knew about fighting things that person was Percy Jackson. He'd fought enough monsters, and was still fighting his own demons, even now.


	4. Date night is kinda evil

.Chapter 4

 _"She's the only reason I even own a stinking tie_." Both Percy and Octavian thought as they prepared in front of separate mirrors in their separate apartments. Octavian had a cool tie. Pac man chasing ghosts. Percy was actually still just borrowing from Paul. His tie was dark purple his shirt (this one he owned) was light purple and he just barely made the Camp Half Blood cut for what could be considered fashion.

"Nice tie dude. " Percy muttered as they waited for their dates.

"Thanks it's my only one without Pokemon on it." For a second Percy thought he was kidding.

"I'm gonna start calling you Teddiursa." Percy replied in complete seriousness.

"Aw but I wanna be sandshrew!" Legitimately impossible to say no to the face Octavian was making.

"W-what why?"

"My favorite. " Smirky smirk.

"Odd favorite. " Ooh challenge.

"My sandshrew army can dominate!"

"I bet you taught them a bunch of tms!"

"Wait a second so this was their idea? " Annabeth's voice could cut through any Pokemon debate no matter its importance.

"Yep all them. " Octavian looked up at Rachel.

"Sweetie, darling, you like Sandshrew right?"

"Yeah okay. You know we have reservations you could've sat down."

"Yes but we couldn't agree on which of us got to pull the chair out for the other. " Percy said cheekily. Annabeth hit him playfully. Rachel laughed and linked arms with her date.

Things got a little tense during ordering.

"Percy I understand why this is important to you but you can't order blue food!" Annabeth was growing exasperated. Every time they went anywhere he did this!

"But it's better!" He whined.

"But it's the same! And they don't serve it." Percy had gasped. THE SAME?!

"I beg to differ. Blue adds flair, and the back story adds character." Octavian defended.

"When did you two become besties?" Annabeth asked, confused.

"A while ago. You're right Ian, they should serve it at restaurants." Rachel cocked her head. Ian? That was her special nickname for Octavian, so she didn't feel comfortable with Percy using it.

"It's okay. It wouldn't be as good as your mom's food." Octavian comforted with a smile. Percy smiled back.

"Thanks dude."

"When did he go to your house?" Annabeth asked, appalled.

"Like a week ago?" Percy shrugged.

"What's going on between you two?" She asked.

"Percy wanted my help." In his defense, he didn't know that he said the wrong thing. It seemed innocent.

"You had a problem and you didn't come to me?!"Annabeth's face was a little red. Percy sighed.

"Annabeth, it wasn't like that-"

"Sure fine! But you went to him?!"

"Do you have something against my boyfriend?" Rachel snapped.

"Only that he has a kind of horrible track record!" Octavian studied the silverware and Percy made the water in his glass bubble. Rachel was aghast.

"So did Luke!"

"I went to Octavian because I felt like the monster people see him as! But everyone's staring so can we hate each other after we eat?" His voice was commanding. In charge. A little scary. The rest of the double date was quiet. Then they left and the explosion began."

"Percy why didn't you come to me?"

"I didn't want to worry you and I didn't think you'd understand being feared."

"Oh you don't fear me?" She challenged.

"No ma'am!" He apologized earnestly.

"I'm sorry," Rachel began, not sounding the least bit sorry,

"Let's talk about the fact that both of you are fake friends since you don't trust my choice and think my boyfriend is a monster."

"Rachel it's okay!" Octavian mediated.

"No it's not! You're amazing and they misjudged you." He took both her hands.

"Sweetheart you might be misjudging them."

"Rachel, I know Octavian isn't a monster. But when I came to him I simply knew that he knows what it's like to feel like a monster. Which is what I deal with whenever I freak out my friends. Annabeth I'm sorry I didn't tell you but Octavian and I are helping each other. It's for the best I went to him and I promise I won't keep secrets from you anymore." Annabeth sighed and nodded.

"Well then I am sorry for overreacting. But never think I'm afraid of you, or that I'll run away from you. Because I love you."

"I'm sorry for misjudging." Rachel spoke up. Octavian cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry for giving any of you the impression that I'm a monster. It's my biggest regret." Annabeth studied him, suddenly sad.

"I think I owe you more than apology."

"Pay it forward then. Be someone's hero." Percy was the only one who caught the Hero's duty reference, and smiled at Octavian. Date night hadn't failed after all.

* * *

 **Chapter suggestions?**


	5. Starbucks is expensive but not evil

Chapter 5

"Uh, give me a minute please, thanks for the coffee though I'll be right out."

"Right yeah, okay. The order should be ready when you get back." He flashed a nervous smile and hurried to the bathroom. As he rushed he whipped out his phone, fumbling with it.

"You'll never guess where I am." Octavian hissed into the phone.

"What?" Percy had just woken up from late night studying.

"You sound tired, but you need to know. I'm at starbucks-"

"SO? May I sleep?" Percy whined, face down on his bed and tiredly snuggling a flounder stuffed animal.

"-With your girl friend."

"Wait what? Why?"

"She said she wanted to treat me after being mean to me which is cool and all, but she's asking about what you asked me to do and all the details and stuff."

"Oh. You can tell her..." Percy yawned and turned over.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, go for it. Enjoy your double shot on ice."

"How'd you know what I like?"

"You seem like the type."

"Bro." Octavian said in awe.

"You leave receipts lying around your house." Percy added, laughing.

"I gotta sleep dude, call me back if Annabeth says or does anything interesting."

"Right. G'night." Octavian hung up and washed his hands out of habit, even though all he'd done was make the phone call.

Octavian sprinted out to their table.

"Sorry I took so long."

"You called Percy."

"You two are eerily perceptive." He muttered.

"I'm the daughter of Athena you think we would be. Here. Your drink sir." She slid his drink across the table and he took a few sips, relaxing since Percy had given him the go ahead.

"I get if you don't want to talk about it. I shouldn't have gone behind his back to talk to you, but-" Octavian's turn for perception.

"But he did? Don't worry. He said we could talk. I'll tell you the whole story." Annabeth sat back and sipped her hot chocolate. Octavian began telling her about what Percy had told him, not sparing the details. He talked about the feeling of being a monster, the fear he'd seen in Percy's eyes. The discussions of blue chocolate chip cookies and the little mermaid vs. wreck it ralph.

"You know, I haven't actually seen that movie." Octavian's eyes lit up.

"Do you want to?"

"Is that your ploy? Do you just kidnap people and make them watch Wreck it Ralph?"

"I don't know. I've only successfully done it with Rachel, Percy, and my younger brother."

"I didn't know you had a brother."

"Yeah, his name is Caesar. You got any?"

"I've got my camp brothers, two half brothers, Matthew and Bobby, and my cousin Magnus whose like a brother." She was surprised to find Octavian was actually listening, and nodding. Annabeth smiled.

"Yeah, I'll watch Wreck it Ralph with you." They walked back to his apartment discussing other Disney movies, and whether not Pepper Potts could or should be considered a Disney princess, the answer being, yes, of course she should be. Pepper Potts is amazing. Lady Sif, also. Octavian texted Percy an update:

"Update, about to watch Wreck it Ralph with your girl friend."

"Have fun." Percy was unconcerned. Maybe Annabeth would even learn a thing or two watching that movie with Octavian.

The first thing Annabeth learned was that she and Octavian had a lot more in common than she thought. She learned this when she dropped to her knees unable to resist obsessively petting an adorable beagle puppy that she found there. The beagle jumped up and licked her as she laughed until Octavian called,

"Roselia, Down!" The beagle obeyed.

"I had no idea you had a dog."

"I just got her a few days ago. Rach surprised me with her."

"The name is really pretty what is it?"

"Oh, the wise Annabeth Chase doesn't know?" He teased.

"I'm unfamiliar."

"It's the name of a pokemon, duh." He said.

"Oh of course, how stupid of me." She said, laughing.

"Come on. Let's watch the movie."

* * *

 **Okay this one's a little cheesy but I really wanted them to super mega bond.**


	6. Sleepovers aren't evil

Chapter 6

The bathroom was right next to the bedroom. So when a pipe burst there was flooding in both rooms. And so there was only one thing to do.

He called first. To a rather welcoming of course. Octavian still didn't wanna impose. Nothing he owned was dry, so his carry on included a beagle and beagle chow and nothing more. Augustus slept with Rachel now, so the toy was in no danger. Rachel wasn't very happy that she wasn't the first person he called when his apartment flooded, but set hard feelings aside.

So when Percy arrived home for the day he was semi surprised and disgruntled to be greeted by tiny puppy kisses. It, at least, improved his attitude, since he'd been in a mood all afternoon.

"Roselia what are you doing here?" He asked the comparatively cheerful puppy.

"My pipes burst. It should be taken care of by tomorrow." Octavian was just coming in too, having gotten off work just awhile ago.

"Oh, okay." Percy wasn't against Octavian staying over, but had had a rough day himself. He didn't really want to bring that up to a guy who almost lost his home though.

Octavian had an instinct.

"I won't bother you." He informed, sensing something was up.

"No, no, it's okay dude." But Percy's heart wasn't in it, for all the demigod reasons, mainly nightmares, and horrible ones at that. The ones that coaxed him into becoming something that he wasn't, or at least tried his hardest not to be. The voices that told him he would see the world in ruin and know in his dark and twisted heart that he'd caused it.

He winced out loud, remembering, and Octavian could see exhaustion written all over his face. He knew asking questions wouldn't help anything, at least not right now. So he said nothing, and Percy went to do homework.

That night Octavian curled up on the couch with a blanket and a beagle, but he couldn't sleep, for worry that something was going wrong somewhere. He'd grown attached to his little home and his nightly rituals. But he wasn't worried about himself. Percy had looked so agitated, and... Afraid. Octavian knew that fear well, from himself and from every time Percy had spoken of losing control.

His suspicions about Percy's trouble was confirmed around midnight when the younger went into the kitchen, dazed, for a drink of water. Octavian heard his friend muttering nervously and stood moving towards the panic.

"Percy?"

"Are you alright?" He reached a timid, thin hand out towards Percy's shoulder. The son of Poseidon whipped around, eyes ablaze.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" He screamed. Octavian barely flinched.

"Percy it's okay I'm your friend."

"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!" That made Octavian uneasy. Did he? Did he know the bitter stonehearted freak who had given up on making friends around the age of fifteen and lulled himself to sleep with sadistic fantasies of ruling the camp and destroying his enemies- which happened to be everyone.

He was snapped from painful memories though when Percy broke down.

"Please... I don't wanna hurt you..." Octavian smiled now. If this was the Percy that shone through even in a delusional state, the demigod would be just fine.

"You won't... Come on buddy." Octavian waited for Percy to calm down before taking him to the couch.

"You want to tell me what happened?" Well, he certainly wasn't getting better by holding it in... He confessed his brutal dreams.

"You're scared you'll see the world in ruin? You won't. You have friends. We're your support group. We will do everything in our power to keep you from losing control of yours." The augur promised, sincere.

"What do you dream about?" Percy asked with a yawn.

"I used to dream about the exact same thing." He admitted, sheepishly.

"How'd you get it to stop?" Percy was desperate for an answer.

"That stopped being what I wanted." The words sunk in.

The next morning Sally found both boys fast asleep, leaning on each other, Roselia deeply kissing Percy, who was consequently dreaming of Annabeth.

"Who wants blue waffles?" That woke them up.

* * *

 **Mini contest for anyone who suggests a better name for this fanfic. Will run until... Lets say the 20th.**


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